I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So many bounce houses so little time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
