she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
