We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
