Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
