Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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