Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
