He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
