Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
