Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
