So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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