so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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