We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
