God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
