Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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