I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
