I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
