we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
