my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
