so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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