Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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