I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
