i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
