its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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