Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
