You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
