is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
