I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
