the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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