if you like me you must not know who I am
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
