If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
