I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
