i need an iv and a liver transplant
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
