After last night, I could never be a politician.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
