he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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