i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
