well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
