i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
