Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
