How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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