I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
