we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
