You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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