He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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