come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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