There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
