to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
