is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
