High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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