My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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