I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
